When I am old, batty, rude and wearing purple, I am going to look back and giggle about all the men I have dated (I do mean INNOCENTLY dated - not known in a biblical sense). I have an interesting collection I think and wonder if I have the elements of a dating board game here...
They have come from:
Scotland, (Mr. Mad, Bad and Dangerous to Know &Mr. Sensible)
Belgium (Mr. Blue Lagoon looka-likie)
Ireland (Mr .Drunken Poet)
Wales (Mr. Rugby, Mr I Have a Bentley)England (Mr. Hilarious, Mr. Lurch, Mr. Successful, Mr. Grand Prix, Mr Ditzy, Mr. BBC, Mr Elvis-looka-likie, Mr. Morrissey is God, Mr. Sweet, Mr. Teddy Bears, Mr National Trust, Mr. Kind, Mr. Integrity, Mr. Comedy, Mr So-Bland-Can't-Think-of-a-Mr-Name...okay better stop and not go near school dating days..)
USA (Mr. Weaken Knees with my Southern Drawl & Mr. Pushy)India (Mr. Spiritual, Mr Marathon)
Israel (Mr. Gorgeous)
Italy (Mr. Suave)
France (Mr. You Must Think I am Irresistible Because of my Exaggerated Accent)
Spain (Mr. Harvard)
Spain (Mr. Harvard)
Their professions have included:
Navy Seal, RAF Pilot, CEO, Marketing/ HR/ IT Directors, Army Officers, Entrepreneurs, Model, Artist, Doctor, Bankers, Camera-man, Barristers, Geologist, Photographer and in my dating board game, the equivalent of the "Go Straight to Jail Card" - one total Loser (many years ago).Their age has been:
Three years older than me (an elite athlete) and er..15 + years younger (a whole 'nother blog).
Their ethnicity has been:
White, Black, Asian...though I have just realised I have never dated an Oriental guy!
The caveat to this is that I don’t enjoy dating. I dont crave attention from the "wrong man", I have been on a genuine search for the right one. Nor is it flattering or enjoyable when one of you is totally luke-warm about the other. No chemistry is really disappointing, even when you aren't interested. Yes, I am truly done with fake laughter and flicking my hair and making an effort with someone I feel isn't going to be significant in my life.
I love being in a loving, healthy relationship I don't want to turn into some chubby version of Samantha from Sex & The City. I am Carrie looking for her Mr Big...I am a one-man-woman by nature and I would have loved to have settled down at 21 (okay, 25...a girl has to live a little). I am assuming my man has been too busy saving lives in the third world or discovering a cure for cancer...or both. So, I live in hope that I will settle down with someone smart, funny, my best friend who I can talk to about everything and can make me feel wobbly bonkers. Oh...and has a naughty streak! A Robbie Williams meets Jeremy Clarkson meets Jeremy Paxman, if you will.
On my dating board game - I don't have to come first, I just want to finish, do not pass GO and get sent directly home...to my Mr Right at the end.
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5 comments:
There is no way someone like you will end up single. I think you have been too choosy? Maybe this year? Until then we will laugh at the updates of "this week I will mostly be..."
What about a dating Cluedo...Miss Blake was found in the Billiad Room with Mr. Nice with a rope. Okay, that sounds wrong, you know what I mean!!!!
Oooh I am very much liking the idea of this dating board game (need an online version as well just to it keep it modern). Well, what should be in the game of lurve, has to be a game of chance, perhaps involving a dice, lots of highs and lows, twist and turns... and a happy ending!
So here goes, throw a six, pick up a card – read it out
‘you are invited to a party, get chatting to a man, he seems a right laugh, has a great car, own place, good job, own teeth etc... He invites you back to his place for coffee, you accept. He starts talking about how he feels a great empathy with Norman Bates and his relationship with his mother, how his mother still lives in the house upstairs. He invites you to take a shower, while he changes into something more comfortable! Aaah, you decide to make a run for it, the door is locked, but you climb out the window and jump. Halfway down you remember he lives in a fifth floor flat – break both legs, tibea and arm’ – Forfeit two throws of the dice.
Throw a five, pick up a card – read it out
‘you meet a man on holiday he seems really really nice, you swop numbers and agree to keep in touch. You start dating, things are going nicely and you are starting to get serious. But he seems very close to John, you question him about his friendship, he breaks down and tells you he is in love - not with you but John and he is a long standing and loving relationship with Pete, so the love will go unrequited. Go to Tesco, buy several boxes of tissues and have a good cry together’ - Pay the bank £10 for the tissues (do not collect any club card points).
Throw a four, pick up a card – read it out
‘you see a guy standing at the bar, he looks really cool and is staring right at you. He comes over to talk to you, it’s like you have known him all your life as you hit it off straight away, so many things in common etc.... You are with friends and don’t want to go off and leave them, so you write your number on the back of a beer mat, he promises to call you the next day. The next day he ACTUALLY does call you and remembers YOUR name - Collect £100 to spend on shoes (help yourself to two small squares of chocolate from the cookie jar by way of a double celebration).
Throw a three, pick up a card – read it out
‘ it is a works leaving do, you are beginning to feel a bit tiddly, one of the blokes in the office who you have a ‘soft spot’ for starts paying you a lot of attention, he asks you to dance, you accept, you go outside and start snogging the face off him, one things leads to another and you end up spending the night at his place. The next day at work you see him by the coffee machine, you smile your best smile, he blanks you, you deliberately knock the coffee all over his suit, scolding him in the process - Have extra throw of dice but pay bank £20 to cover dry cleaning costs
Throw a two, oh you get the idea by now.
Hey, hours of endless fun to be had... But think we need a blokes version as well, as can’t have you girls having all the fun!!!
Paul
Brilliant - that made me really laugh. I can see us pitching this on Dragons Den. However - you clearly do not know women - what's this nonsense about two "squares" of chocolate? P..LEASE!!
Where do you find all these successful men? Seriously, what is your problem?!! ONE loser in 20 odd years, you have done well.
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