I asked my brother-in-law to proof my CV once and just before I emailed it off to a number of agencies, noticed that he had added one of my hobbies, as...well...it rhymes with flagging. Thanks C.
Here are some funny comments or mistakes from real resumes and cvs:
Notes:
- Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job.
- Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
Hobbies:
- Drugs and girls.
- Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.
- Having a good time
Skills:
- I've got a Ph.D. in human feelings.
- I am great with the pubic.
- My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend.
- Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business.
- I have integrity so I will not steal office supplies and take them home.
Qualifications:
- I have guts, drive, ambition and heart, which is probably more than a lot of the drones that you have working for you.
- I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come cheap.
Experience:
- Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years.
- Bum. Abandoned belongings and led nomadic lifestyle.
- Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.
- Stalking, shipping & receiving
Salary:
- I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich.
References:
- Bill, Tom, Eric. But I don’t know their phone numbers.
- Pushed aside so the vice president’s girlfriend could steal my job.
- They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions.
-The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
- I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
Where do you see yourself in five years?
- My dream job would be as a professional baseball player, but since I can’t do that, I’ll settle on being an accountant.
Sign Here: Aries
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