Five Stages in a Relationship..

Apparently, when you start a relationship, you embark upon the first of five stages. Each phase is necessary to move forward, but what you don't know is how long each phase will take you both. For some people the process can take weeks and some, years, but each stage is necessary. I realised this week that I have never totally moved totally out of the third stage - the reality stage - it's not comfortable as I thrive in and pine for the previous stages. Anyway, the stages are:

Stage One - Attraction

Falling in lust! This is when you are very strongly attracted to one another and nothing else matters. You get butterflies when you think of them and can’t keep your hands off each other. There is little or no mental connection or compatibility needed. You can get caught in this stage with someone entirely incompatible.

Stage Two - Romance

Falling in love! You see your partner as the perfect person in the world, who cannot do anything wrong. The whole world revolves around them and you hardly have time for anyone else. In fact, you're actually coming up with an idealisation of the perfect person: you're drawing a lot on your past - they fill in whatever it is you felt needed and didn’t get, particularly with exes. In this stage we feel on a high, feeling so close and loved and merged with our partner.

Stage Three - Reality
The Eye Opener! Slowly and gradually, the negative aspects of our partner’s personality becomes apparent. Both the partners relax and start behaving more like they would with their family. This phase is the first time you consider whether you can spend the rest of your life with this person. You are picking at their faults and resisting criticism about yours.

A lot of relationships break up during this phase, because we miss the Romantic Phase, that intense physical and mental connection where we felt so unconditionally accepted. We tend to think our partner is either not compatible enough, or that they don't really love us the way they used to. This stage can feel like a dip from the high in the previous phase, now feeling lonely, that something is missing and feeling scared of commiting to something imperfect and real.

You have to go through the reality stage to make a good judgement about moving forward. This is amongst the most crucial phases of a relationship, which can either lead to a strong and mature relationship or..in many cases..a break up.

Stage Four – Stability

Settling in! If you have successfully managed to pass the ‘eye-opener stage’, the road ahead will become much smoother. In this stage, both the partners realise that their partner is a normal individual, with positive as well as negative aspects. Now, you don’t like spending the entire time with your partner and in fact feel the need for space and freedom. The idea of perfection slowly begins to dissolve and acceptance starts. You find middle ground and compromise, both realising that mutual adjustment and negotiation is the key to a successful relationship.

Stage Five - Commitment

Marriage! If a couple manages to maintain the maturity stage, commitment is the most obvious result. By this time, you have totally accepted each other and can be great lovers as well as friends. You finally realise that partners complement each other - not complete each other. This is the time when you discover a deeper, meaningful love for your partner for who they really are and not a version of them that you dreamt up! Warning...this is also the stage you need to watch because you can become overly relaxed companions..and the sexual spark can fade, so you need to make the effort to be romantic.