Every women reaches a stage when she realises that the treat-'em-mean types are a waste of time and toxic. Luckily, my visit to Bad Boy Island was many years ago and definitely not worth the effort or hassle. Also, from personal dating experiences and confirmed in discussions with male friends: when a man comes across a woman of quality, who could be someone special, they step up and increase their game.
The men who get and keep my attention are without any doubt, those who have the confidence and emotional maturity to show the Keen Card, right from the start. Like sending a pre-first date text along the lines of 'looking forward to meeting you'. Smart guys who are interested text really quickly post-date to check you have got home, thank you for the evening and ask about another meet. I don't know one happily married woman who got treated shabbily by her husband when they met. There will be exceptions of course, but mine and other single girls' experiences have been, silence is not a good sign, so (get ready to) move on.
Friends and I agree, the sexiest thing a man can do on a date is be interested in us or big brownie points - remember something we referred to about our lives and bring the subject up and ASK about more it. I have dated more than one seemingly great guy, who then did nothing but talk about himself. One used to text me with just updates about him and his day and not even a "how's things with you?". It felt like he was Twittering his fan site. Another didn't know what my job was after four dates and yet I knew what his brothers, father and grandfather did and details about a project he had been working on. There is nothing more disappointing putting down the phone and realising not one question had been about you or comments you made about your life that you try to squeeze in, got dismissed as he gustily elucidated about himself even more. Whether men like to hear it, when women discuss potential men (post 30) they will also analyze their behaviour as to whether they would make good husbands or fathers. The worst signs and ones to avoid: the ogglers and the self-absorbed ones and the gamers who play it cool, they are considered by sensible women the weakest links...good-bye.
If only the men who struggle with women could understand this: if you like us, and don't want to get dumped yet, or lose interest, make us feel like we matter (our lives, our thoughts). If you love us, or want us to fall for you or keep loving you, make us feel special. It's actually a very easy formula.
The men who get and keep my attention are without any doubt, those who have the confidence and emotional maturity to show the Keen Card, right from the start. Like sending a pre-first date text along the lines of 'looking forward to meeting you'. Smart guys who are interested text really quickly post-date to check you have got home, thank you for the evening and ask about another meet. I don't know one happily married woman who got treated shabbily by her husband when they met. There will be exceptions of course, but mine and other single girls' experiences have been, silence is not a good sign, so (get ready to) move on.
Friends and I agree, the sexiest thing a man can do on a date is be interested in us or big brownie points - remember something we referred to about our lives and bring the subject up and ASK about more it. I have dated more than one seemingly great guy, who then did nothing but talk about himself. One used to text me with just updates about him and his day and not even a "how's things with you?". It felt like he was Twittering his fan site. Another didn't know what my job was after four dates and yet I knew what his brothers, father and grandfather did and details about a project he had been working on. There is nothing more disappointing putting down the phone and realising not one question had been about you or comments you made about your life that you try to squeeze in, got dismissed as he gustily elucidated about himself even more. Whether men like to hear it, when women discuss potential men (post 30) they will also analyze their behaviour as to whether they would make good husbands or fathers. The worst signs and ones to avoid: the ogglers and the self-absorbed ones and the gamers who play it cool, they are considered by sensible women the weakest links...good-bye.
If only the men who struggle with women could understand this: if you like us, and don't want to get dumped yet, or lose interest, make us feel like we matter (our lives, our thoughts). If you love us, or want us to fall for you or keep loving you, make us feel special. It's actually a very easy formula.
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8 comments:
Interesting slant....but you write purely from the female point of view...and understandably...it's your blog!! However..looking at it on balance...maybe a guy who doesn't call, text or email the next day doesn't want the rejection shoved in his face even further!! Sometimes us guys like to be chased. Maybe we like to see exactly how interested you are before we commit and perhaps you girls should show some assertiveness for once....or is the thought of rejection, in the form of silence/words you don't want to hear too much for you?? I don't think you can take any one action as the law. We are all different. Everyone has different expectations and protocols. Surely you would know on the date if you clicked? Just because he didn't call doesn't mean you should dismiss him totally. Aren't relationships like a game of chess? You make your opening move...that is countered and eventually all manner of interaction takes place until finally....MATE! Just because your man didn't make the correct opening move, doesn't mean the end result could be any different! If the attraction and spark is there on the date then someone has to give...may be that should be you?
Good point Tim. Nice to get a guys view too. This is a typical example of the whole "Men/Mars, Women/ Venus" thing. Dating is a complex game, with unwritten rules and open to misunderstandings...
For anyone who read my FB page. TIM (ABOVE) is not a disgruntled ex. Opinions most welcome.
Goes to show that you can put all women in the same category, equally, not all men are the same. I've dated and have had partners who've always gone weak at the knees for the bad guy. Something about this type of bloke made them feel excited, on edge, racing along, every day a suprise. I thought that's what all women wanted. Seems after a short time, the attraction burns out, and being with a bad boy becomes exasperating, confusing and unpredictable. From a male viewpoint, women tend to either be the marrying sort, or the girlfriend only sort. There's the girl who you can make your wife, have children with and be your soulmate and there's the one who is great sex, looks good but no substance and always high maintenance. So I know which type of bloke I am and what type of woman I prefer! One last point.. listening to each other is always a good way to go on to make a relationship work.
I honestly think the bad boy thing may boil down to the fact that bad boys ooze confidence and testosterone and this is very sexy. They know how to make a woman feel special - often insincerely - but usually when they focus their attention on something - albeit briefly - they are ardently passionate, intense and impulsive over it and nothing else exists or matters. For the time he chooses, she feels like the centre of the universe and is hooked on that feeling as it's intoxicating and exciting. But bad boys’ interest’s waft and wane, and the next week it could be his band, money making venture, or bike he is obsessed with!! So, she hangs around for more snippets of those incredible unforgettable moments at the cost often of her self-respect and happiness.
(There are of course damaged people who don’t think they deserve to be loved (usually a childhood thing) and they let people treat them how much they think they are worth)
So many women in the end, privately admit, eventually they chose the guys who don’t go from one extreme to the other and are consistent and constant. We don’t want unpredictable if you have a mortgage to pay, kids to bring up, life traumas, a faithful marriage to keep together. There may be a compromise there, for some, on excitement, but they KNOW how their husbands will behave on important issues and feel about them next month, next year.
So nice guys ARE the winners in the end.
Is there such a thing as being too nice? When does it get too sickly sweet that it's unbearable? Doesn't there need to be a little bit of bad boy (even if it's in manageable boundaries) to bring excitement and the the thrill to the relationship? Come on, if all boys were so good all the time, wouldn't you either take advantage or get bored?
Yes, of course there is such as a thing as too nice. That's not too much fidelity, compliments, romance or kindness. But every woman needs a man who will stand up to her, to challenge her behaviour (kindly) if she has been rude, selfish, difficult or stubborn. No one likes a doormat.
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