"This will give you the insight on how to understand what you and someone else needs to feel loved, to stay in love or even fall in love in the first place. If more people read this book, many relationships would have got off the ground and many others survived. This is a must for anyone who wants the best chance of getting someone to fall for them or have been told by their partner they didn't feel loved or appreciated. It also helps you understand what it is that you must have in a relationship to be happy with someone." Take the test (bottom of the page).
"The heart of what love is all about is choosing to do things for the benefit of the other person"
"The heart of what love is all about is choosing to do things for the benefit of the other person" Dr Gary Chapman
According to Chapman, there are five different ways we demonstrate and interpret being loved:
1. Words of Affirmation
- encouragement, praise, appreciation, sharing positive feelings.
2. Quality Time
- having meaningful conversations with and sharing activities.
3. Gifts
- giving and receiving special gifts that demonstrate thought.
4. Acts of Service
- doing something helpful which require somes form of planning, time, effort, and energy.
5. Physical Touch
- holding hands, cuddle, giving massage, loving sexual encounters.
The premise of the book is learning how to express your love in a way that the other partner values the most...
For example, the man who expresses his love by doing chores, such as mowing the lawn, walking the dog (acts of service) will never make his partner feel completely loved if she needs verbal or written expressions of love (words of affirmation). A hundred little gifts won’t ever make the man who whose primary love language is physical touch, feel loved or needed. Not knowing how you partner tries to show their love or interprets love can result in accusations of being unappreciated, unloved, unromantic, ungrateful or needy. It seems you are none of these things, you are simply “speaking different languages”.
Apparently, one clue is listening to the criticisms your partner has about your behaviour, they are often in the area where they have the deepest emotional need. If we understand that, it may help us process criticisms in a productive manner. To know what makes your partner feel loved and happy reduces fights by avoiding misunderstandings and disappointments.
A quick test is to ask your partner, on a normal day, week to week, how loved they feel by you, on a scale of one to ten. Find out which is their “love language” through the test in the book and ask them how loved they felt after you did something “romantic” in their love language.
The happiest and healthiest relationships will include regular actions from all five languages of love, but the language he/she rates the highest will be interpreted as the most loving act. It’s crucial to appreciate also, when they do things for you, in their love language they are showing, in their way, that they love you as that is how they need to be loved. The pay off apparently is a deeper connection, greater understanding of each other and will result in a more romantic, peaceful relationship.
Take the test to find out your top needs and how you express your love. Love Test
If you can filter out the rubbishy American waffle - the message of the book is very interesting.
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
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3 comments:
This totally changed a friend of mine's marriage. Her husband kept DOING things for her, like fixing the car and mowing the lawn and wondering why she moaned he didn't SAY he loved her enough.
Just did the test, funny it explains a few things about some arguments in our home. Let's say..flowers given don't do it for me, when I have been asking for a proper "grown up" evening out together. Thanks. Will the men who need to do this, do it though?!
Interesting quiz. Thanks. Most of us guys would prefer our other half to get tired in the bedroom than tired due to housework. I know I value attention over a spotless house.
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